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Nov. 28th, 2015


Do you know

Do you know how hard it is to get out of bed
When you know
Nothing's going to change
For the rest of the day
When you know
Nothing good will happen
For the rest of the day
When you hope and pray
For something that you've been praying for days
And it still doesn't happen

Do you know how hard it is to look into the mirror
When all you see is
That flabby arm, that big belly, that cellulite
That flaky skin, that dark eye ring, that cracked lip
Do you know how hard it is to look into the mirror
When all you see is
Blurred version of yourself
Drowning in your own tears
Of frustration and shame
Of despair

Do you know how hard it is to check the phone
When you know
People are hounding you
From early morning
When you know
You can't answer anything
No matter how much you want to
When you know
Each second passed
Is an opportunity lost

Do you know how hard it is to get out of the house
When all you can think about is
That disturbance, that humiliation, that mortification
That pot of scheming, vengeful spirits waiting to pound on you anytime
Do you know how hard it is to get out of the house
When all you can think about is
Being angry, being sad, being depressed
Then pretending to be alright, be motivated, be professional
Best of all
Be someone else

Do you know how hard it has been for me
Do you actually know
Or do you pretend to understand
When all you care about is yourself

If you'd known
Why would you make it harder?

The art of waiting

It's been so long
Can't even remember the beginning
The wait is too long
Don't even know if I'm still waiting

The clock no longer ticks
So why am I still looking?
What are you looking for?
What are we waiting for?


It's too late
Yet it's too early
Too early to give up
Too late to keep up

How long more?
This ridiculous, unfathomable frustration going on
That no one can answer for

Don't ask me
Because I've asked myself over and over again

It's mutual

I know your concerns but you don't get mine
I know your concerns but maybe I shouldn't care
I know your concerns but so what

I'm losing it
I've lost
I've got nothing to lose
While all you care about is winning

Feel me, you don't
Fear me, you don't
Fuck me
You've already done so, don't worry

So I'm stupid
So I'm being used
So I'm the bad one
But I still want you
Not because you're that good
Only because I'm stupid

Jul. 8th, 2015


The place where I've lived half my life in

Never thought I'd post a long entry (and with pictures!) in the recent days but this is definitely worth spending time writing.

It's about me returning to Jurong West St 91, where my old home was, after 13 years. Read on only if you're ready for a long post.

On a side note, today's user picture shall be akanishi jin's beautiful pure white DP because it was his 31st birthday 4 days ago and I wish him, his gorgeous wife and lovely daughter a blissful life.

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Jul. 23rd, 2014



came across this song once when I was in a cab. then, I thought to myself, how beautiful this line is. 你要我自由飞翔,我没有翅膀。

Dec. 11th, 2013


I'm sorry, friend.

Because I don't know how to make you feel better.



稍过一阵子,闻听到你和他之间的磨擦冲突。 刚开始时我只以为你们俩是欢喜鸳鸯,却没发现这竟然会彻底地改变你的人生。

之前我宣言,我不再支持你和他继续交往。我抱歉。我后悔。 不是因为身为你的朋友我居然背弃你对爱情的信仰,而是当时的我只顾着表达自己的看法,却没有顾虑你心理深处的害怕。或许你早已明白,这段感情不会顺畅,却又希望你身旁的朋友可以给你带来一些勇气。 当时的我没办到,我抱歉。


万没想到你又再一次因为他而受伤。 即使你们已经不在一起了,即使你表示你会慢慢打开心结继续寻找新的旅程,即使你努力将自己的注意力分散。。。 你,由始至终,有没有放下?


看见你伤痕累累,却不能为你做些什么,纳闷死了! 一直以来,我天真的以为我们因同个星座的关系所以是心灵上的同伴。事实上,在你痛苦孤独的时候,我并不再你身边。原来很多时候我感应不到你的哀伤。现在的我还是无法帮助你,我抱歉。

即便我没有宗教,我相信神的存在。 所以朋友,我为你祈祷。 愿你那纠结到不行的心锁能尽快解开, 求你在这之前千万别枯萎死去。

Dear friend, I'm sorry I can't help much. But please don't lose yourself.

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