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Jul. 4th, 2017

jin2

HAPPY 4 JULY

Never thought I'd remember this kind of thing at this time and post this entry, did you?



Happy 32th Birthday, Akanishi Jin. 
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Nov. 28th, 2015

ahdi

Do you know

Do you know how hard it is to get out of bed
When you know
Nothing's going to change
For the rest of the day
When you know
Nothing good will happen
For the rest of the day
When you hope and pray
For something that you've been praying for days
And it still doesn't happen

Do you know how hard it is to look into the mirror
When all you see is
That flabby arm, that big belly, that cellulite
That flaky skin, that dark eye ring, that cracked lip
Do you know how hard it is to look into the mirror
When all you see is
Blurred version of yourself
Drowning in your own tears
Of frustration and shame
Of despair

Do you know how hard it is to check the phone
When you know
People are hounding you
From early morning
When you know
You can't answer anything
No matter how much you want to
When you know
Each second passed
Is an opportunity lost

Do you know how hard it is to get out of the house
When all you can think about is
That disturbance, that humiliation, that mortification
That pot of scheming, vengeful spirits waiting to pound on you anytime
Do you know how hard it is to get out of the house
When all you can think about is
Being angry, being sad, being depressed
Then pretending to be alright, be motivated, be professional
Best of all
Be someone else

Do you know how hard it has been for me
Do you actually know
Or do you pretend to understand
When all you care about is yourself

If you'd known
Why would you make it harder?
rabbits

The art of waiting

It's been so long
Can't even remember the beginning
The wait is too long
Don't even know if I'm still waiting

The clock no longer ticks
So why am I still looking?
What are you looking for?
What are we waiting for?

Dilemma

It's too late
Yet it's too early
Too early to give up
Too late to keep up

How long more?
This ridiculous, unfathomable frustration going on
That no one can answer for

Don't ask me
Because I've asked myself over and over again

Repungance
It's mutual

Understanding
I know your concerns but you don't get mine
I know your concerns but maybe I shouldn't care
I know your concerns but so what
Misunderstanding

I'm losing it
I've lost
I've got nothing to lose
While all you care about is winning

Feel me, you don't
Fear me, you don't
Fuck me
You've already done so, don't worry

So I'm stupid
So I'm being used
So I'm the bad one
But I still want you
Not because you're that good
Only because I'm stupid

Jul. 8th, 2015

jin1

The place where I've lived half my life in

Never thought I'd post a long entry (and with pictures!) in the recent days but this is definitely worth spending time writing.

It's about me returning to Jurong West St 91, where my old home was, after 13 years. Read on only if you're ready for a long post.

On a side note, today's user picture shall be akanishi jin's beautiful pure white DP because it was his 31st birthday 4 days ago and I wish him, his gorgeous wife and lovely daughter a blissful life.

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Jul. 23rd, 2014

rabbits

你要我自由飞翔,我没有翅膀。

came across this song once when I was in a cab. then, I thought to myself, how beautiful this line is. 你要我自由飞翔,我没有翅膀。

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